“Be honest with the reality of your relationship. Don’t ignore your concerns and expect them to go away. Acknowledge the red flags for what they truly are.” (Love Defined page 201).
It’s week 4 of our summer book club and, so far, we’ve covered…
- Hollywood’s version of romance vs. God’s design for love.
- How to thrive as a single girl.
- How to be “just friends” with guys.
Today, we’re going over chapters 12 and 15.
Whether you’re currently in a relationship or you want to know what to look for in a future husband, these chapters have some great stuff!
First off, let’s look at 10 red flags in relationships. These are 10 things you should definitely look for and be aware of.
1. He has a shallow relationship with God.
2. He pulls you down spiritually.
3. He’s stuck in habitual sin.
4. He pressures you to compromise sexually.
5. He’s rushing the relationship.
6. Wise people in your life don’t support the relationship.
7. He has very few spiritual convictions.
8. He doesn’t keep his word.
9. He wants to keep the relationship a secret.
10. He’s obsessed with himself.
Did any of those red flags stand out to you? If so, the best thing you can do is seek outside counsel. Talk to your parents, your mentor, or a godly woman and honestly evaluate your relationship.
“Don’t risk moving forward in a relationship with a guy who may have unaddressed sin issues. Don’t minimize the red flags out of fear or worry. This is your one and only life…Be willing to acknowledge the hard truth and seek outside help.” (page 200)
Now that we’ve gone over some red flags, let’s see what qualities we should look for in a future husband.
There are 3 important qualities to pay attention to when thinking of a future husband.
1. Look for a man with VISION.
When you are considering a man as a potential husband, you need to know what his vision in life is like. What are his goals? Will he lead you and your family spiritually?
He doesn’t have to have his entire life perfectly outlined, but he needs to know what he wants in life. Ask him some questions such as…
- Where do you want to be 10 years from now?
- How important will church be for your family?
- What priority will ministry have in the life of you and your wife?
2. Look for a man with PASSION.
When it comes to a potential husband, you need to make sure he is passionate about the Lord. He doesn’t have to talk about God every second, but he needs to have a solid relationship with Him.
If he’s not passionate about the Savior who dies for him, find out why. Just because he may be handsome, fun, and athletic doesn’t mean he is ready for a committed relationship.
“If a man truly understands the gospel, and truly understands what Christ did for him, he will be passionate about Christ.” (page 162).
3. Look for a man with PURPOSE.
You need to find a man who understands his purpose, as a Christian. Does he realize that God created him with an for a purpose?
Does he understand his calling as a Christian- to go and spread the gospel? Does he take his relationship with God seriously? These are questions that must be asked when considering a man to marry.
Don’t settle for someone who has no idea why he’s here or what he wants in life. Choose a man who makes Christ his first priority and will lead you and your family spiritually.
Key Scripture Verses
Matthew 22:37 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”
Ephesians 5:25-27 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or winkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”
Has there been a time when you ignored an obvious red flag? What happened?
Why do you think it’s easy to spot red flags in your friends’ relationships, but hard to see them in your own?
In your own words, what does a man with vision look like?
Challenge: If you’re in a relationship, are there any red flags you need to seek outside counsel about? If so, take those concerns to a wise person who can offer you wisdom and advice.
If you’re not i a relationship, re-read the list of red flag so you’ll be better prepared to spot them in any future relationships.