“I’m saving sex for marriage.”
“I believe that I should keep myself pure until marriage.”
“I want to save my body for my husband.”
Have you ever heard someone say any of these things? Maybe you’ve even been the one to say them.
No worries! I have too. And there’s nothing wrong with that in and of itself. Choosing to keep your body pure for your future husband is a wonderful idea and I encourage you to make conscious decisions to honor God with your body.
However, the main issue I see in these phrases is the fact that all of them make marriage the end goal. Instead of wanting to be kept sexually pure for Christ, we make our final destination marriage.
I started thinking more about what sexual purity really is. Over and over again, I’ve heard the message of simply saving sex for marriage and that’s it (thankfully my parents took on the responsibility of teaching me what God’s true design for sexual purity is).
As if all my sexual temptation would suddenly come to an end when I got married because I could then be intimate with my husband.
As I thought about this, I became eager to figure out the need for purity within marriages. Now, obviously I’m not married yet so I really don’t know what the sexual temptations in marriage are or how to deal with them.
Fortunately, I was able to interview Lisa Sawvel, cofounder of UNcompromised, a ministry that encourages people to be “Bold…in Purity and Strong…in Christ.”
She is a wonderful woman who is very passionate about God’s design for sexual purity.
I am so happy I got to interview her because of her love for God, desire for God’s definition of a pure life, and the fact that she is married and wants to strive for purity in her marriage.
So many young men and women are confused and lost when it comes to what sexual purity really means.
Is it simply saving sex for marriage? Do I still need to be pure even within my marriage?
Well, I gained some great wisdom and encouragement through my interview with Lisa.
I’d love to share with y’all how I learned that The Road of Sexual Purity Doesn’t End at, “I Do”.
1. Is there a need for purity in marriage?
Yes! Being able to now have sex with your husband doesn’t mean that you won’t still have temptations to do impure things.
Sexual purity doesn’t just mean saving sex for marriage. It’s goes as far as what you look up on the Internet, what words you choose to say, and how you interact with others.
When asked how to stay pure within marriage, Lisa says, “Both husband and wife need to focus on Jesus, and then their characters will reflect His perfect character and they can have complete joy and fulfillment in their marriage…Through constant prayer and reading of His word. I have made a commitment of getting up early each day so I can spend an hour with my Lord. He is ever showing me ways of living a purer life for Him.”
God gave us marriage and sex as a blessing! It’s not meant to be a burden. In order to have a truly happy marriage, you must both be committed to honoring God with whatever you do and being quick to help each other when it gets hard.
2. What are the benefits of staying within God’s design for sexual purity?
Many people get so overwhelmed when it comes to purity. How far is too far? Do I have to watch every move I make? Why does it even matter what I look up online?”
You’re not alone! We all wonder sometimes why being sexually pure really matters. I have some good news for you! The reason God sets up boundaries is so that we can live the happiest life of freedom that we can.
Don’t look at boundaries as just a bunch of rules to keep you from having fun. Think about them as God’s design for a life of joy and freedom.
Lisa told me some of the benefits that she, as well as others around her, have gained from placing God at the center of her relationship with her husband.
She says, “Less stress, and we can trust one another, which gives us joy and fulfillment. When my husband was viewing pornography in our marriage I did not trust him, and I always worried about being gone from the house and leaving him alone. It was very stressful. When I learned God that I was not my husbands ‘Holy Spirit’ it was very freeing and I learned to trust in Jesus and let Him take care of my husband.”
You don’t have to get stuck in the mindset of trying to follow a list of rules. God gives us boundaries because he loves us and wants what’s best for us.
Advice for the wives:
“They need to set boundaries within their marriage and follow God’s leading. They need to respect their husbands wishes as long as they are in God’s will of purity.” -Lisa
All you wives out there know that staying pure in your marriage isn’t easy. You might not go through the same temptations as those who aren’t married, but you still have temptations.
You’re not alone! Reach out to each other. Build each other up and pray with your husbands everyday to recommit your marriage to God.
Advice for the teen girls and women who have not yet married:
I asked Lisa what advice she would give to all the teen girls girls and women who have the mindset that sexual purity is only saving sex for marriage.
“Sexual purity is about saving you ALL for your future husband. If you don’t want some girl touching your future husband or kissing on him, then you need to respect your future husband now, and not give yourself out in any way to any one else.”
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, what so ever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
What do you think?
- How have you remembered to look at sexual purity as a blessing?
- What are some ways that you have gained true joy in your marriage by being sexually pure?